I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
