He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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