ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
