I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
