Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
