if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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