i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
