**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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