honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
