Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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