smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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