i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
