I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
