I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
