my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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