I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
