Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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