Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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