He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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