well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
