I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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