If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
