paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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