I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
