fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
