I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
