i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
