Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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