I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
