Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
