I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
