so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
