I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
