I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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