So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
