We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
