i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
