he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
