shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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