hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
