dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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