I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
