i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
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Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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