ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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