the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
