bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
