I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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