the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
