I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Your dad touched me again.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
