it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
