It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
