She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm like, not good at living.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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