dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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