Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
