brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
