I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
