none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
